Sunday, 17 January 2010

Endless questions

I made a post the other day about cramp pains and problems, a friend made a suggestion that it may be endometriosis. Having never heard of this before, I wiki'd it and was both relieved and worried by what I read. The symptoms that it lists, I have quite a few of them.

One of the things that it mentioned was needing to urinate frequently, this is something I've had since I was a kid. As a kid, my mum took me to the doctor who said I had a 'weak bladder'. Now I'm wondering if that wasn't the case after all.

In my last job, my boss regularly made snidey comments about the fact that I was frequently visiting the toilet, he thought I was just skiving, but considering I did more work than any one else in the team (including him) despite the toilet breaks, I don't see why he had reason to complain. This was actually a contributing factor to me leaving his team and moving departments, which then went belly up (also due to a toilet breaks issue) and I ended up quitting the place altogether. It actually quite angers me to think that I put up with all that bullshit and subsequent hardship because of something that may yet turn out to be a genuine medical condition.

In the same vein, it also annoys me to think of the number of times my mother has given me a hard time about not wanting to do anything when I do get cramps, or being given a bunch of pain pills and sent off to work or school, feeling utterly miserable and in pain.

Now my dilema is diagnosis and treatment. I do not plan to start transitioning while living in my parent's house. However, one treatment for this is a hystorectomy, another is progesterone, both parts of FTM treatments. My concern is, if I go to my doctor and am diagnosed with this, what would they do? Could I ask for a hysto? If so, would I need to start HRT after? Would they start me on E? Would my body produce enough T to keep me healthy naturally? How would I explain to my parents that I chose a radical hysto over pain meds?

Another problem is that I can't afford time off work to recover from a hysto while I'm trying to sell my flat, I'd need to wait untill that's all finished and I'm in a better position financially. But what if I start a job and a month later, I'm off work for several weeks recovering from surgery?

Or do I just keep suffering it? For the sake of keeping everyone else comfortable?

Why am I constantly confronted with this question?

Why can't I just be selfish about it?

Why can't I just catch a fucking break for once...?


  1. Hi Keltik,

    Sorry you're suffering. I've been going through a similar thing at the moment (though not apparently endo) and am trying to work out the best (i.e. that deals with the problem as well as fitting with being trans) way forward.

    Happy to share my experiences so far if you'd like, but would rather by email. Drop me a line if you're interested - sivkoburko (at) gmail (dot) com.

    Best, Sivko

  2. Sent you an email mate.